I remember the feelings I had going into this trip. Naturally, fear was one of them. Going abroad alone is vastly different from going abroad with family. Without fear, though, how would I have been able to learn from this experience? While my primary motivation in coming to London was to take a class I had heard nothing but amazing things about, I also came to London for a cultural experience—to feel something and create a life beyond anything else I had ever lived before. Some may say that 4 weeks is nothing, that it is hardly enough time to create a new life. I disagree. I believe an entire month of a year, especially at this age in my life, is a long enough time to come to call a place "home." And it's true—London has become home, at least temporarily. Kilburn Park is the neighborhood I live in, as well as my Tube stop. Tessco's is the grocery store I buy milk from. The Queen's Arms is the pub I frequent. No, I don't pay taxes, claim citizenship, or work a job, but I love this city with an intense, unbreakable passion. It has NOT been a vacation. Spain tomorrow through Wednesday will be a vacation; it will be a celebration of everything I have felt in the last month, as well as my 20th birthday on Monday. Has my goal of creating a life and experiencing something new been met? Absolutely. Am I upset that I will be having a comparative study abroad experience next semester, rather than an immersive one? Not at all. I have found immersion in London, and I will find comparison through the rest of the world that I see this fall. I believe you need both, at least to some degree, to have a complete study abroad experience. Or, at least that's what I think I need. And I'm getting that, which is really, really exciting.
I love the people here that I have interacted with. While my classmates have been great, I've talked to so many strangers while on the Tube and bus, at pubs and bars and clubs, in parks and stores, while at performances, and just during my everyday business. Having to identify as an American before clarifying which state is not something I have to do while in the States, so that's added a whole new level of identity for me while I've been here. Some people want nothing to do with me because I am an American (even going so far as heckling me), while others have an endless amount of questions (and would love me to teach them how to speak "American"). To that end, I have felt both intense shame and pride in my country—I don't expect that to change whatsoever while on Semester at Sea. For as many questions people had of me, I had just as many about their cultures, as well as plenty of ways to connect myself to them. Oh, you're from Ireland? I'm part Irish, performed in an Irish play earlier this year, and can do a fecking good accent, aye! You're Italian? I went there once. Fijian? Wow, that's far! And for as many questions I had going into this experience, I only have more now. Answers aren't always simple, and not everything is black and white.
Has this trip changed me? Certainly, but not in the way I expect Semester at Sea to. I'm definitely a lot more adept at the business of traveling and getting from Point A to Point B. I also have a brand new appreciation for cities and urban life. I mean, last night, I got a falafel at 2:30 in the morning. More than anything else, though, I have a deeper understanding of human interaction, something that I hope will be even further expanded as I'm globe trotting. However, I still have much left to learn and experience, and have a ton of growing room to spare. Handling oneself while alone in a foreign country requires a level of skill and finesse, something not everybody in our class had, and something I'm still learning. It's an acquired art. Practice makes perfect.
Last night, I stayed out late again. I won't be able to do that once I return to Colorado Springs. Well, I mean, I technically can, but there will be far less activity at 3 in the morning. I returned to my flat to find my friend Dolo still awake as well. The black of the night was beginning its transition into the dawn's blue as the sun was beginning to peak over the horizon. While in Colorado, I became so used to watching the sun slowly creep over the plains in the east and then set behind the mountains in the west, casting enormous shadows and setting the sky on fire with beautiful reds and oranges. While I have had a handful of nice sunsets here, they can't beat one in Colorado. As Dolo and I set in the dark of her flat, we reflected on our month here. It's been extremely difficult at times—I've seen homelessness, felt sick, drank too much, ate too much, didn't sleep enough, missed the familiarity of home and my family, felt guilty for being an American, and had a number of other hardships. That's the beauty of traveling, though—it's not easy. For all the troubles I had, I've had so many more beautiful memories I know I will remember with fond nostalgia. When the sky turned a light shade of blue (periwinkle, one might say), Dolo and I sat outside on the sidewalk. Though I never actually saw the sun rising because of a building being in the way, I heard birds chirping and felt the city return to life again. Cars and trucks rushed by, street vendors stepped outside, and the air felt fresh. I fell asleep sometime around 5 in the morning and slept until Noon. I have yet to start packing (SHIT). Though I'm fairly certain I won't be venturing out today, this last day, at least so far, has been bittersweet. I will miss this city in innumerable ways.
Samuel Johnson has a quote. It reads, "Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford."
True. Absolutely true. I am not tired of London. I could keep exploring for months on end. I could wander down narrow alleyways and get lost on unmarked streets over and over. London feels like the type of place where you could never fully understand its breadth, making it hard to fully know and figure out, but it doesn't take much to fall in love with. I remember the moment I fell for this city. It was my first time in Camden. Although it's not fabulously English there, it has some of the most fantastic culture the city has to offer. And that's what this city is about. Culture. That's what this month has been about. Even still, though, London is a place that rejects the traditional binaries of a city. It's a melting pot of people and things. Perhaps the only thing I can definitely say about London is that it has something for everyone.
24 hours from now, I'll be in the warm sunshine of Spain, waving farewell to my teenage years and teetering on the edges of my 20's. This month has been the absolute perfect way to say goodbye to the last decade of my life. I will never forget London. Leaving is proving to be difficult.
Someday, though, when I'm older, I will be back.
Cheers.
No comments:
Post a Comment